Disney Princess Dreams

As a kid I thought Disney princesses were the ultimate. They were beautiful and graceful and - well, that was kind of all that mattered about women in the early 90s. My obsession with Disney princesses  lasted an uncomfortably long time and before I knew it I was performing sign language to Christina Aguilera's version of "Reflection" from Mulan in a kimono with full on geisha makeup in front of my high school.  

My dream is to work at Walt Disney World - specifically as a princess. More specifically as Belle and Ariel. I did 2 semesters of college then got an internship at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. I say that explicitly because some people don't know the difference between DisneyLand which is in California and Disney World in Florida - and to those people I say, get your life together.

I arrive in Orlando knowing little more than I am getting paid 6 dollars an hour and will work as a Merchandise Hostess in one of the resorts, which sounds glamorous AF. I mentally prepare myself to see a lot of celebrities. 

The first morning I'm there I put on a salmon polyester top and the cream colored pencil skirt business suit my mom bought me from The Limited. It was originally for my interview portion of our town's beauty pageant, which I did not place in. I look in the mirror and, damn. I'm clearly a professional who is ready for this important step towards my ultimate princess dream. 

I walk in and there is Disney paraphernalia everywhere, I love it here.  An older woman, like 25 or 26, checks me in at the welcome desk and gives me a packet with a number on it. I walk through the massive conference hall and realize everyone else seems to have came with their friends, partners, or college classmates. I didn't even think about making plans for a friend to join. I knew I wanted to do this and I didn't need anyone else to hold my hand - AKA - hold me back. I am ready to be my future self. No one here knows me and it's exhilarating. I broke up with my boyfriend before I came here. He's great and he told me I have Disney Princess hands, long thin fingers and graceful movements - which is the best compliment I've ever received - but he makes me feel suffocated and honestly I'm a hot 19 year old with big dreams.

I silently join the group next to the cardboard cutout of Goofy with the number 17 on it and avoid eye contact. We were being separated into groups to find out where we would be working. I was sizing up the others in my group - are we the type of people who will be at The Grand Floridian, Disney's most expensive and exclusive hotel or am I going to the campground one with a bunch of losers?

A guy who looks like Eminem stood next to me. Well, he looked more like Eminem than anyone else I'd ever seen in person before. I'm from a small town in Utah. Guys there don't have shaved heads or  earrings. He said, "I don't know where we're going - but (motioning to the cardboard cut-out) Goofy must be a good sign." 

"Yeah." I said. Not agreeing at all and looked longingly at the groups standing next to the princess cutouts. Our number is called and we will be working at...The All Star Resort, the cheapest hotel in all of Disney. That means our guests are not glamorous celebrities -  but families with tired screaming kids who puke on the Pluto pillows or thousands of high school cheerleaders here for competition who try on every goddamn hat and leave them all over the floor. My primary color pantsuit uniform is a far cry from my sparkly, hoop skirt princess dress dreams.

I hate my job, but the moments I'm not working are the best of my life. I spend all of my free time at Disney World. All of my friends, roommates, and my roommate's friends and their roommates and their friends work there. It's amazing. I never wait in line for anything, I get free Mickey ice creams whenever I want and I know when to pose for all the pictures on all the rides.

Our lives are all Disney all the time. My roommate and I blast the Disney Princess CDs, (we are 19 year olds!) I have Cinderella sheets, princess towels and bubble bath (still, 19). The most exciting part is going backstage. There are tunnels under The Magic Kingdom and they are full of all my dreams. I casually walked past a headless Goofy and Pluto sharing a cigarette and tried not to stare at the two Prince Charmings making out against the wall. Then there's the costume hall - with racks of full-skirted princess dresses covered in sequins. This is my future.

Even if you didn't like Disney that much before you started working here, you quickly get Disney Stockholm Syndrome. Kind of like when Belle is a prisoner but everything is so fun and magical she just doesn't care about the real world anymore. My new Disney boyfriend (the guy who looks like Eminem) takes me on romantic dinners to Chef Mickey's, which is a buffet style restaurant where you eat Mickey shaped chicken nuggets and Mickey and friends run around in chef outfits. He is 24 years old. He wears Goofy ties, has a Mickey watch, and a felt book of Disney pins he is collecting. And in this world of Disney, these are admirable qualities in a man.

I love Disney and all of it's magic. I never want to leave. My internship is nearing it's end but I can't bare the thought of returning to the real world.

A group of friends and I go to the character auditions. There are two types of characters; fur and face. Fur is when you are wearing a full costume with a giant head and 'face' is when you show your face in the costume as well, which is what the princesses do. The Face characters get paid more money and are considered to be a much higher status.

The morning of the audition I woke up in a panic. My hands shake as I brush my long brown hair into a low ponytail, do a little topsy-tail flip and tie a blue ribbon around it. Just like Belle's hair from the beginning of Beauty and the Beast - in case you don't know. 

We are given a number to pin to our shirt and a woman who looks and acts like the snooty ballet teacher from Center Stage teaches us a short dance.  I perform it effortlessly and gracefully with facial expressions that any Toddlers and Tiaras contestants' mom would envy. 

I pass the dance portion along with Eminem and our other friend who is 6 foot 3, clearly cannot dance but they need tall people for Goofy and the Beast. My best friend and roommate doesn't pass, I barely notice. I move on to measurements, because the standard costumes have to fit. Then to a face evaluation where they put princess wigs on me and took pictures while I looked surprised with my hands clasped at my shoulders.

I made it to the last station at the audition. A stern looking woman called my number and I sat down across from her. She said, "We would like to offer you two character positions." My heart leapt out of my chest and exploded in sparkles and rainbows and chirping animated birds!

I pleaded silently to the universe, "PLEASE be Ariel and Belle, PLEASE be Ariel and Belle". 

The woman continued as she slowly read the paper, "Pluto....and Buzzlightyear." 

What is happening. Am I being Punk'd? This was the early 2000's but I wasn't a celebrity. I glance down at the number on my shirt and clarify with the woman. "Number 48?" I said hoping she just had the wrong paper.

"48." She said. Turns out I am the perfect height for the Pluto and Buzzlightyear costumes - 5'8". Princesses are generally shorter, from 5'4" to 5'7".

All the dream bubbles of me in a giant yellow gown smiling and waving from a parade float and making children's dreams come true were popping all around me. Thoughts of my new reality - sweating in a yellow fur dog costume in the Florida heat and sitting in the cafeteria with the other 'fur' people while I longingly look towards those with perfect make-up at the Face table.

My dreams had shattered as fast as the Toy Story ornament I bought for $25 dollars then took on a rollercoaster. And at that moment I realized my Disney spell had broken.

A whole new world had been opened back up to me, there's life outside of Walt Disney World, I started to remember. There's an entire REAL world out there.  Instead of hanging out in EPCOT (which stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow FYI) and sitting in the fake France could go to the real Eiffel Tower in the actual Paris! I could go to the real castle in Germany that inspired Cinderella's castle and I could go to the real splash mountain sing along with real critters and real bunnies...maybe not that one but I heard they are changing it anyway because it's racist. I finally realized, it isn't a small world after all. It's a really big world with a hundred thousand things to seeee!

So I moved on. I didn't want to spend the Orlando summer in a yellow dog suit for $6.50/hour.

I went to college in Hawaii, spent a summer in Alaska then moved to New York. I've learned that I don't want my life to be holding on to just one experience in one place. Also, in New York I bought a few princess costumes and wigs, made a free website on wix and went to rich kid's birthday parties. I got to dress up in sparkles, live my dream and I got paid 350 dollars an hour instead of the coveted 'face character wage of 7.50.